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Yes?
Yes 75%  75%  [ 3 ]
No 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Not as is 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Abstain 25%  25%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 4
Total voters : 4
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 Post subject: [VOTE] The Way Home
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 2:35 pm 
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Title: The Way Home
Author: Razorborne (featuring Barinellos)
Status: Private
Word Count: 1566

The Way Home


:duel:

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The BLOCK I'm currently pretending I'll finish: Fleets Of Ossia (complete!) | Wavebreak (complete!) | The Second Flood (in progress!)
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 Post subject: Re: [VOTE] The Way Home
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 2:36 pm 
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this is a slightly different version from the originally posted one, incorporating some changes Barin and I discussed that didn't make it into the final draft. just small stuff.

:duel:

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I tend to agree with Razor.

Pro Tour: YMTC: SECOND ONE IS OVER STAY TUNED FOR THIRD ONE
The BLOCK I'm currently pretending I'll finish: Fleets Of Ossia (complete!) | Wavebreak (complete!) | The Second Flood (in progress!)
Razorborne and friends teach music theory to chumps like you: 12tone


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 Post subject: Re: [VOTE] The Way Home
PostPosted: Wed May 01, 2019 7:58 pm 
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Easy Yea from I.

I love what you've done with such a short piece. In part, it's because Barinellos hit on a fundamentally human nerve with the character of Sri Hara: the whole character revolves around having a home, a place to belong, to go back to. I don't mean to downplay your work here, but I'd be remiss if I didn't give credit to Barinellos for creating such a quite frankly beautiful character.

Now, I really like Jestopher as a character, as well. He seems to be just the right kind of alien without going full xenofiction that really resonates with me. Like the scene with him recognizing a murderer/thief/assassin as a "hunter" and howling to try and warn the victim (incidentally, howling is not something canines do for imminent warnings, but I'm willing to let that slide on account of it being an intelligent talking magical wolf), I thought was brilliant. I loved his complete lack of words to properly describe what we all would recognize easily, and yet you never stray so far that it becomes difficult to understand what he's actually seeing, despite his lack of understanding.

Having a first-time 'walker meet Sri Hara to explain it to him was a brilliant move, as well. Even without the details of his ascendency or why he would want to go back, you managed to convey the weight that Jestopher feels, of how important it is to him to go back home. That's brilliant.


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 Post subject: Re: [VOTE] The Way Home
PostPosted: Wed May 01, 2019 11:46 pm 
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(incidentally, howling is not something canines do for imminent warnings, but I'm willing to let that slide on account of it being an intelligent talking magical wolf)
I don't think it'd hurt anything to change it to a bark if you feel like that'd be more accurate. I've only ever had cats so I have very little firsthand experience with canine behavior.

Having a first-time 'walker meet Sri Hara to explain it to him was a brilliant move, as well.

full credit for that goes to Barin: I just asked if he could think of any good walkers to help guide Jestopher 'cause I needed to expedite his learning curve so he could make it home in time, and he immediately suggested Sri Hara.

:duel:

_________________
I tend to agree with Razor.

Pro Tour: YMTC: SECOND ONE IS OVER STAY TUNED FOR THIRD ONE
The BLOCK I'm currently pretending I'll finish: Fleets Of Ossia (complete!) | Wavebreak (complete!) | The Second Flood (in progress!)
Razorborne and friends teach music theory to chumps like you: 12tone


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