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Tell Me a Story?
Yea: 80%  80%  [ 4 ]
Nay: 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Not As Is: 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Abstain: 20%  20%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 5
Total voters : 5
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2019 4:31 pm 
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Title: The Tortoise and the Jester
Author: RavenoftheBlack
Status: Public
Word Count: 2000

This is for the voting "week" of February

The Tortoise and the Jester


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2019 7:30 am 
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Yea, it's an interesting piece due to a combination of tone and tantalizing hints; I really hope we'll get some more info about the situation sometimes soon.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2019 7:19 pm 
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This was fascinatingly terrifying.

I think what most of the others have said stands: the Jester's movements are all the right kinds of creepy, the timing on revealing the pertinent information is perfect to cue the audience in that something is wrong here (like the zoom-out to see the other sets of footprints), the almost macabre poetry and double-entendres throughout, it's all brilliant. Something that I didn't see commented on that bears noting was the peal of thunder. Scary stuff.

I am quite intrigued, and would love to see where this plot thread ends up leading.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:01 am 
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the only thing that stands out to me here is the reference to Möbius strips. it feels like a weird inclusion, partly because Möbius was a real person who doesn't exist in this setting, and partly because it's a concept from abstract mathematics, which seems a bit distant from the overall tone of the story. you also don't need to be a Möbius strip in order to continue forever: it just needs to be a loop. I assume it's there for the rhyme, but it feels like a weird stretch. I don't really see that that's enough to vote this down, but I wanted to mention it and see what your thoughts were.

:duel:

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2019 8:59 pm 
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razorborne wrote:
the only thing that stands out to me here is the reference to Möbius strips. it feels like a weird inclusion, partly because Möbius was a real person who doesn't exist in this setting, and partly because it's a concept from abstract mathematics, which seems a bit distant from the overall tone of the story. you also don't need to be a Möbius strip in order to continue forever: it just needs to be a loop. I assume it's there for the rhyme, but it feels like a weird stretch. I don't really see that that's enough to vote this down, but I wanted to mention it and see what your thoughts were.

:duel:

Hey, thanks for commenting. I'm sorry that I keep forgetting to respond.

Anyway, how would you feel about my switching it to Bosium Strip instead, as a specific MTG reference?


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2019 10:37 pm 
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razorborne wrote:
the only thing that stands out to me here is the reference to Möbius strips. it feels like a weird inclusion, partly because Möbius was a real person who doesn't exist in this setting, and partly because it's a concept from abstract mathematics, which seems a bit distant from the overall tone of the story. you also don't need to be a Möbius strip in order to continue forever: it just needs to be a loop. I assume it's there for the rhyme, but it feels like a weird stretch. I don't really see that that's enough to vote this down, but I wanted to mention it and see what your thoughts were.

:duel:

Hey, thanks for commenting. I'm sorry that I keep forgetting to respond.

Anyway, how would you feel about my switching it to Bosium Strip instead, as a specific MTG reference?

huh, just noticed that the art on Bosium Strip isn't actually a Möbius loop. the patterning of the stairs implies two distinct sides.

anyway I think it's a lateral move. it solves the "Möbius was a person" problem, but it exacerbates the obscurity problem 'cause now you have to be familiar with a random old magic card in order to get the reference. if you weren't bound by rhyme I'd say just call it a loop, but given that you are I think either way is within tolerance, especially when the rest of the story's really good.

:duel:

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The BLOCK I'm currently pretending I'll finish: Fleets Of Ossia (complete!) | Wavebreak (complete!) | The Second Flood (in progress!)
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:37 am 
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I just realized that I never commented on this when I voted. I love how this story sits in a kind of sweet spot between realism and abstraction. Like, it is super weird and impossible to really relate to, but at the same time it is infuriatingly intriguing. I suppose it helps that I really like riddles and puzzles. Anyway, I obviously voted Yea.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 4:58 pm 
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Aaarrrgh wrote:
I just realized that I never commented on this when I voted. I love how this story sits in a kind of sweet spot between realism and abstraction. Like, it is super weird and impossible to really relate to, but at the same time it is infuriatingly intriguing. I suppose it helps that I really like riddles and puzzles. Anyway, I obviously voted Yea.

Thanks! I love the term "infuriatingly intriguing" for this.

Also, there's an "audio book" version of this now! It's here, and it's literally just me reading the story, doing a couple of silly voices, and maybe like two sound effects. It's pure gold. Pure. Gold...

:paranoid:


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