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 Post subject: To Serve the Multiverse
PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 10:00 pm 
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Excerpts from the Cookbook of Ogru Thal

Introduction

I am known as Ogru Thal. As some might guess from that name, I am anything but a human. No, proudly I stand as a troll, and among trolls I proudly stand as a chef. It may be that throughout Dominia, Trolls are known for one thing or another, and many are more brutish than my fellows. But where I come from, to be a troll chef is to be the high priest of the tribe and the provider of its joys, and I do not take my knowledge of the culinary arts lightly. Throughout my travels, I have not only perfected adaptions of my own recipes, but have also gathered several from throughout Dominia […]

***
Troll Funeral
Amongst my people, the typical manner of disposal for the deceased is what people elsewhere in Dominia call cannibalism (Followed by the interring of the bones in sacred vessels). It is both representative of maintaining a connection with the departed and savoring the fruits of a life well lived. Certain populations, however, do not take kindly to the cooking of the deceased, and I feel it appropriate to provide an adaptation of my funeral recipe for lesser meats, so that the well-honed methods of making even the ancient and intolerably stringy palatable for the proper rites is not lost on those not open-minded enough to partake in troll flesh themselves.

Beef, I find, is the best common meat to emulate the flavor of troll (Pork is the closest analog to human, while elf is difficult to approach with more commonly husbanded animals. I have tried with both turkey and venison but have seldom been pleased with the results). Therefore, our imitation Troll Funeral shall begin with a measure of flank or skirt steak. This should be cut into short, thin strips or even cubed. This then should go into a cooking vessel with steep walls and a flat bottom, such as a pan or large pot, preferably big enough that all the meat fits without needing much more than a single layer. Then, add red wine (Merlot is best) to half or three quarters the depth of the meat, followed by enough rendered fish sauce, such as that of Sir Worcestershire, to nearly cover it, and Sauce of Soy in equal measure. To this, add a generous dash of malted vinegar and a hearty sprinkle, enough to form a good layer on top of the liquid, of powdered garlic.

The vessel should be heated in cull heat until the sauce comes to a boil, then the heat on it reduced such that the meat simmers. Cook it uncovered until the liquid is gone, but do remove it before the meat begins to be seared in the dry pan. Ideally, most of the flavor will have reduced into the steak, producing a very bold flavor likely to please the pallet and disguise the unfortunate results of age. Remember to stir and turn the meat as it cooks, more frequently as the liquid boils down.

***

Flame Crisps (Adrisar)
The Children of the Living Flame are a fascinating culture. Their strength is undeniable, and undeniable as well is their suffering. They have little leisure and few luxuries, locked in battle with the relentless growth of the jungle that surrounds them. The luxuries they do have, however, are tea and spices. This recipe goes well with one and incorporates the other.

In a sizeable bowl, combine one half of one cup butter or worthy substitute with one cup of sugar, then beat in one hen’s egg. Sift together and add to this one and three quarters cup flour, one teaspoon of baking powder, and one tablespoon of ground Cinnamon. Work this into a dough.

Grease sufficient metal sheet-pans for baking, and prepare an item with which to press the cookies: The children traditionally use a clay mold that impresses upon their surface a teardrop flame emblem, but the flat bottom of a drinking glass will serve just as well.

From the dough, make many little balls: the foremost joint of a human thumb is approximately the correct size. Place the balls, arranged with space between, onto the sheet-pan and press each flat with your greased-bottomed drinking glass or other pressing item. If the coolies stick to the mold or bottom of the glass, do not despair, as I have found that after one or two peeled off of that they will cease their misbehavior and flatten well. Bake in a moderate oven, about three hundred and fifty degrees by the traditional scale, for ten minutes, then remove and allow to stand a few minutes.

This recipe will make many cookies, and they are regularly more satisfying than their nutritive value would suggest. I find, as do the Children of the Living Flame, that they go very well with a cup of tea. This ritual, I imagine, provides them a nice moment of solace from the reality of their existence. Unfortunatley, I was not afforded any but the briefest stays amongst them, as illusion magic cannot do too much for size.

***

Jotun Eggs (Aralheim)

An appetizer for the Jotun of the Land of the Midnight Sun, “Egg Bites”, as they are called by their makers, consist of a hen’s egg wrapped in a shell of seasoned meat. The Jotun are wont to make a few dozen for feasts and consume each one in a bite, but for smaller folk, one or two “Jotun Eggs” makes a full and hearty meal.

To prepare the eggs, fill a pot with sufficient water to cover over the eggs you intend to cook after the Jotun style. Then, add the eggs and set the pot over a high flame for about twenty minutes. This works well for between two and six eggs in an average sized to large pot.

If you are making very many eggs and the water will not boil swiftly, you may wish to boil the water first and then add the eggs. In this case, leave the eggs in the boiling water for at least ten minutes, such that they will be hard the whole way through, both white and yolk. When the eggs are done, shell them and set them aside.

Jotun recipes usually use the meat of the great, shaggy oxen of the Land of the Midnight Sun. The meat of Bison or Cow is best for those without such creatures. Each egg requires somewhat less than half a pound of ground flesh, beef or bison or ox though it may be. The meat should be seasoned throughout with powdered garlic and dried leaves of Oregano or Savory. Then, surround each egg entirely in a coating of the meat, which should have some thickness to it based on the weight of meat I have given.

The meat-shelled eggs may be fried, but I find they are better when baked: Place the eggs on a sheet pan either well greased or covered in metal foil, and insert into an oven heated to four hundred degrees in the traditional scale, and leave them there for three quarters of one hour. Serve relying on the seasonings, or with any number of dipping sauces for savory dishes such as mustard or tomato catsup, as befits the palette of the diner.

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Last edited by Tevish Szat on Sat Feb 07, 2015 12:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 10:10 pm 
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I like the framing device, but I'm no cook myself, and wasn't overly interested in the piece as a whole. He (she?) sort of reminds me of the Gourmet from Skyrim, which was fun.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2015 9:59 am 
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What kind of meat should you use for the Jotun Eggs? It seems kinda like ground meats would be easiest to form into the shell but I wasn't totally clear on that.

...I am tempted to make that tonight... >_> <_< >_> and I am excited to see more recipes


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2015 1:18 pm 
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Yeah, ground beef is best. Perhaps I should put that in a more stressed location, or include an ingredients list at the start of recipes?

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I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my first book, The Accursed, on Amazon as an ebook or a paperback!


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2015 1:58 pm 
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Oh, I missed the word "ground" :P

Yeah having a list might not be a bad idea. That's how the Discworld Cookbook is structured: an in-world intro, and then an ingredients list, and then an in-world instruction list.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2015 7:23 pm 
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Interesting indeed. I like these "technical" texts.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2015 8:43 pm 
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Quote:
It has been many months since Raleris passed this way and I confess that I had run through the recipes in the so called "Underworld Cookbook" that could feasibly be interpreted through the efforts of cookery rather than idle fancy (and indeed I had even attempted some dishes which clearly were the product of one more given to embellishing tales than garnishing meals: I can confirm that the gargoyles of the Cathedral are not edible in the least!). Having reached the end of the list I despaired of testing further the recipes of the West to test, when who should arrive but the old man himself, resplendent in his many colored garb on a docile pony, riding Eastward as he always comes!

With him he brought the above recipe for so-called "Jotun Eggs," along with several others, this time written with a fancy of a so called "Troll," perhaps a word derived from the myths of "Trow" that old men tell to unruly children. The ludicrous framing device aside, the meal was hearty, but I found the instructions lacked a suitable side dish. And thus I conceived upon a plot to make a nest upon which a "Jotun Egg" might hatch.

Ingredients:
Several large potatoes
Cloves garlic, to taste
Six or seven stalks of kale
Oil of the cook's preference
Half cup of cow's milk

Skin the potatoes and cut them into pieces that they might float alongside the eggs in their boiling bath. The pieces should remain somewhat longer after the eggs have been removed to chilled water, long enough to grow soft. While the eggs and potatoes boil, stem, cut, and saute the kale. When the kale has wilted and grown somewhat crispy, chop the garlic cloves and add them to the pan, moving closer to the fire in order to heighten the heat. Drain the water from the potatoes, mash them, adding milk to help soften it, and when the garlic has been somewhat browned, stir the kale and garlic into the potatoes.

Serve the Jotun Egg atop the mashed potato and kale, creating a "nest" for the egg, and creating a hearty meal!

--Antiphon the Green, cookery mage of Ikass


Spoiler


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2015 2:44 pm 
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I like the framing device, but I'm no cook myself, and wasn't overly interested in the piece as a whole. He (she?) sort of reminds me of the Gourmet from Skyrim, which was fun.

That's exactly what I was thinking of! I just couldn't quite place it at first.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2015 5:37 pm 
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I will claim to have no clue about this gourmet, as I have never played Skyrim (Nor do I desire to after trying to play Oblivion. Keyword being try. Elder scrolls don't seem to be my cup of tea)

@ Keeper: I like the in character response! As to the meat splitting, it happens frustratingly often, basically if there's any variance in the thickness. I find presentation is best preserved by cutting the egg in half along that line and serving it opened up.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2015 5:47 pm 
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I will claim to have no clue about this gourmet, as I have never played Skyrim (Nor do I desire to after trying to play Oblivion. Keyword being try. Elder scrolls don't seem to be my cup of tea)

Fair enough. Skyrim's a better game, but I admit I loved Oblivion, too, so take that as you will.

There was a quest in Skyrim called "Ill Met By Moonlight" which always made me assume you had played the game.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2015 5:50 pm 
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Yaaay :D I was worried I was butting in on your territory.

It's reassuring to know that it's not that I'm incompetent, it's just that splitting happens :P I wonder if mixing it with breadcrumbs would help... then it might be hard to keep the whole thing together though... hmmmm


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2015 6:19 pm 
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"Ill met by moonlight" is part of a line ("Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania") from [i]A Midsummer Night's Dream[/c], which happens to be my favorite play. ;)

***

It's possible that bread or breadcrumb would control the shrinkage. I may try that myself should I have occasion to make them again soon.

***

I'm scheming up "Imitation Gargoyle Steak" for this (Starting by marinating a steak in chicken broth, and the woes of a troll that gargoyles on so many planes have no meat at all), but I've yet to have the opportunity to attempt it.

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my first book, The Accursed, on Amazon as an ebook or a paperback!


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2015 6:26 pm 
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"Ill met by moonlight" is part of a line ("Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania") from A Midsummer Night's Dream, which happens to be my favorite play. ;)

Yeah, I know. It's also a novel and film. That was just the connection I made, because the Skyrim quest has to do with werewolves, which of course ties in to Innistrad (though not that specific story).

A Midsummer Night's Dream, while not my favorite of Shakespeare's plays, is relatively high on my list of them. In fact, I myself quite recently made a sort-of reference to that play in something I wrote...but I won't spoil it.

:)


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2015 7:59 pm 
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My one partner is currently rehearsing for that :D it's like a hardcore shakespeare company that's all about understanding the jokes and so on so rehearsal is a pretty lengthy and intense affair.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2015 2:06 am 
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I was taking a look at the Random Prompt Generator again and was inspired for a joking entry

Spoiler

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my first book, The Accursed, on Amazon as an ebook or a paperback!


Last edited by Tevish Szat on Fri Feb 13, 2015 12:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2015 9:35 am 
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Ahaha that was a delightful read :D

...And potentially quite tasty...


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 2:23 pm 
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Fried Bean Sandwich (Jakkard)

I first encountered this recipe in Verkell, where a variant was sold to city dwellers looking for a "taste of the waste", and found it very nice, but the recipe in need of adaptions to produce a more subtle flavor and superior texture. The result is a dish that does not imitate meat, but stands in for it excellently.

The black beans are the primary concern. In the wastes of Jakkard, beans may provide nutrition for travelers, as dried beans keep well for the trail and provide a hearty and fulfilling meal. In Verkell, black beans not intended for trail rations are sometimes sold in jars, preserved in a soup of fine seasonings. One 15-ounce quantity of these seasoned black beans is sufficient for four sandwiches, though it is quite possible to make your own beans, favoring onion and garlic for spices. In any case, the beans used for the sandwich should be drained decently well, but not entirely nor should they be washed, as you want some of the thick liquid of well-seasoned beans. This is why I strongly recommend jarred beans for the beginner.

Add the 15 ounces of beans or so to a large bowl and mash them with a fork or similar utensil. It is better to do this by hand rather than employing magic as having the occasional whole or mostly whole bean improves the final product compared to a perfectly even paste. To this, add one hen's egg (white and yolk) and mix well. Once you have added the egg, begin to add toasted crumbs of bread. As the amount of liquid varies depending on how well drained the beans were, the amount of breadcrumbs needful to achieve the desired texture varies: you should continue to add bread crumbs until the bean paste no longer sticks to your hand as you work it, and has a consistency somewhat stiffer than raw ground meat. It is also good to add seasonings at this time: powdered garlic, oregano, and parsley are all very nice, though Verkell's merchants again provide a shortcut in the form of pre-seasoned breadcrumbs. Sometimes, I wonder at what culinary marvels they will think of next!

Once you have the paste to the desired stiffness and solidness divide it into four equal portions and flatten each until it is as broad as a human hand and narrower than a finger's width. Honestly, the thinner you make these the better the result will be, within the limits of good sense: the disc of bean paste must be able to hold its form when you turn it! When you have done this, set a large pan on medium to low heat and add to it one tablespoon of butter and one tablespoon of good olive oil. When the butter is melted, add the bean patties. Two will fit in a decently sized pan,if only just. Fry each patty until its bottom side is dark brown and blackening (which is not typically char, as it would be on meat), then flip it and fry the other side similarly. Top each patty in the last moments of cooking with a slice of cheese. Cheddar and Verkell Enbalmed Chedder were both quite acceptable, but I found the hole-ridden white cheese of Ikass' mountain regions (called "Smith's Cheese" by the dwarves, though often pronounced something like "swiss" by the local kor) to give a better flavor. Once the cheese begins to melt, remove the patties from the pan and set them between two slices of whatever bread you favor, with any condiments you might desire. Lettuce and mayonnaise were quite common, as were slices of tomato or of onion. Of course, it is also perfectly acceptable to take the sandwich with no more than the bean, cheese, and bread which is still very nice.

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my first book, The Accursed, on Amazon as an ebook or a paperback!


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2015 1:43 am 
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Now I'm hungry...

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YMtC: My Deck of Many Things | NGA Masters | 2 | 3 | Roses of Paliano | Duel Decks: War of the Wheel | Jakkard: Wild Cards | From Maral's Vault | Taramir: The Dark Tide
Solphos: Solphos | Fool's Gold | Planeswalker's Guide | The Guiding Light | The Weight of a Soul
Game design: Pokémon Tales | Fleets of Ossia: War Machines | Hunter Killer | Red Jackie's Run


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2015 4:40 am 
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The recipes are interesting enough and some of the nods to the real world ingredients made me smile, but I must confess I was expecting more lore in the introductions; probably the Troll Funeral recipe sets a high standard in this matter.

That said, now I'm hungry too :D

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 08, 2015 9:57 pm 
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Dwarven Fried Potatoes

Normally, I will list on what plane I encountered this dish. Originally, I cited Aralheim as the origin of Dwarven Fried Potatoes. On Aralheim, the Potato was discovered in early explorations of the southern heartland, but quickly became a staple of all the Builders. The dwarves in particular grow great bounties of potatoes whenever they are able, which is frequently. This dish is a common luncheon for the dwarves, and they will prepare generous servings for large gatherings, so that the dish is known as 'dwarven potatoes' throughout the world, regardless of the species of its cook. Imagine my shock then, when upon Ikass I was offered 'dwarven potatoes' and found my plate filled to heaping with the exact same dish! I have sought out any connection between the two planes for years now, but found none. Of all the interplanar cultural connections, none have touched Aralheim that have also touched Ikass. It seems simply that dwarves, wherever they come from, know what to do when presented with the humble potato.

To make a portion of Dwarven Potatoes sufficent for two or three people, begin with three medium to small russet potatoes. Wash the potatoes, then, with the skin on, cut them into chunks. The size of the bits is a matter of personal taste, but I find that approximating one half to one inch cubes is ideal. The shape is not important, and indeed most if not all pieces will have some of the outer skin. Take as well four strips of sliced pig bacon, and cut those into pieces of a height and length similar to the pieces of potato, though of course they will be far thinner.

Then, heat one or two tablespoons of olive oil in a medium or large skillet, enough to coat it. Add the potatoes, and over medium heat begin to fry them until they begin to brown on one side or another. At this point, add the bacon, and continue to fry, stirring and tossing as necessary, until the bacon is all crisp, at which point the potatoes should be done very well on all sides, given the grease that will flow from the bacon. With a spatula or a slotted spoon, so as to leave that grease and oil behind, transfer the potatoes and bacon to a plate, and swiftly grate or crumble your favorite cheese (cheddar was the favorite on Ikass, while the dwarves of Aralheim used a sheep's cheese of similar mild character) over the top of the potatoes and bacon, so that the heat of the dish will begin to melt it, at which point you may portion the dish into servings. If you make very much, as the dwarves were wont to do, you may instead transfer the potatoes and bacon from where they fry to a large bowl, and toss them with the cheese.

While the core of potatoes, bacon, and cheese is constant and considered traditional among both groups of dwarves, it is very easy to adapt this dish to taste. Adding some sliced onion to fry with the potatoes is good, as is a clove or two of minced garlic. On Ikass, the Kor will sell their take on the dish with a small bowl of tangy white "ranch sauce" that they claim to be of centaur invention, a good remedy for several maladies, a potent aphrodisiac besides, and no doubt worth the added price. It is at least competent in taste for some, though I myself, experimenting in sauces, preferred the Dominarian dressing of the thousand islands. None of this is needed, however: the savory flavor of the Dwarven Potatoes is on its own a good experience. Perhaps the dwarves have the right of it, and it does not need further alteration? Ah, no doubt I shall try a different take tomorrow.

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my first book, The Accursed, on Amazon as an ebook or a paperback!


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