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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 1:47 pm 
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Recommended Reading: Oh boy, this one is complicated. The following image lists ALL connected stories. After the image I will include a recommended minimum
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MINIMUM: Homecoming, The Ring, Dantalion Dossier.

A Wedding on Aralheim
by Tevish Szat
Words: 7750
Content Warnings: Violence/Combat

A Wedding on Aralheim

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

The Coalition/Phyrexian War Game Rises Again


Last edited by Tevish Szat on Tue Jul 12, 2016 12:38 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 2:20 pm 
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WHAT JUST HAPPENED!!??

WH-

WHAT?

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 6:36 pm 
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Are the events themselves causing confusion, or are you confused about events, because Aria cast naturalize on the husk-body that Dantalion had prepared earlier. Oh yeah and that other thing. I feel like I'll talk more about that after others have had a chance to comment.

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

The Coalition/Phyrexian War Game Rises Again


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 7:26 pm 
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No, I'm not actually confused - I followed the story perfectly. Er, I followed it well enough anyway.

I just. Well.

Super Spoilers (inasmuch as those exist at all?)


Thanks for posting, Tevish!

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 7:42 pm 
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A few brief replies

Spoiler

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

The Coalition/Phyrexian War Game Rises Again


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 11:49 am 
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The events here are huge. You have several scenes where the characters would be beside themselves with nervousness, joy, excitement, fear, anger, grief, or anticipation. I should be feeling that with them.

The stilted, passionless writing style drains that all away.

That said, I enjoy seeing things from Marina's perspective, both as guests arrive, and as she makes her decision. And I applaud you for making such a bold decision with such a major character. I'm curious to see how events play out.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 4:16 pm 
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Brentain wrote:
The stilted, passionless writing style drains that all away.

Speaking personally, I disagree.

Thoughts


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 7:50 pm 
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First, the general comments I wrote up earlier.
Spoiler



To make specific replies...

Spoiler

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

The Coalition/Phyrexian War Game Rises Again


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 10:27 pm 
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Very well done. A fitting farewell for Illarion Vale, a terrifying setup for Ellia, and a bomb-lobbing viashino gentleman. I love it.

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The format of YMtC and the Expanded Multiverse.
YMtC: My Deck of Many Things | NGA Masters | 2 | 3 | Roses of Paliano | Duel Decks: War of the Wheel | Jakkard: Wild Cards | From Maral's Vault | Taramir: The Dark Tide
Solphos: Solphos | Fool's Gold | Planeswalker's Guide | The Guiding Light | The Weight of a Soul
Game design: Pokémon Tales | Fleets of Ossia: War Machines | Hunter Killer | Red Jackie's Run


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 11:34 pm 
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Spoiler

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"And remember, I'm pullin' for ya, 'cause we're all in this together." - Red Green


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2016 10:19 am 
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Since this story seems to be a big deal I'd like to have read all the related works to enjoy it at its best; this means that I'll need some time to get through Phantoms of the Past and the related bonus contest before I can read and comment on this one. Luckily Search-ing the forums allowed me find them, since Google has no access to the main stories (and even NGA wiki hasn't, weirdly).

So... well, see you in a couple of days I guess.

EDIT: I unexpectedly managed to get at the bottom of this within the day, will add my comments to this post.

Spoiler


Quote:
the novel I'm 90k words and neck deep in

Well, that's a big number :takei:

PS: I'd love to read more about our viashino bomber sooner or later!

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2016 4:37 pm 
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Two typos that I noticed:
Quote:
Next to strike was Mari, whoconjured a tempest of shining light around herself and waded fearlessly forward

Missing space.

Quote:
Those then left, Marina turn to, and at last she found her voice.

I believe this should be "turned to".

So, wow, okay. This was... Shocking, to say the least. To avoid spoiling anyone, I'll put my further thoughts below.

spoilers!


So, rambling aside, do I like this? Yes. Would I vote it in? I'd have to consider it. I think it can be improved, but the overall effect is complete.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2016 11:18 pm 
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Oh, man, okay.

So, first of all, thanks for sharing this with us, Tevish!

Second of all...

...

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2016 5:34 am 
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Luna's post reminded me of a few things I didn't include in my first post, where I focused almost exclusively on Illarion; so here's a few extra thoughts.

Spoiler

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To anybody reading this, including my future selves: have a good life!

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2016 5:52 pm 
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replies


On a side note, anyone interested in at least mini-dossiers for Zouvek and Kiriana?

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

The Coalition/Phyrexian War Game Rises Again


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2016 6:33 pm 
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Illarion


On a side note, anyone interested in at least mini-dossiers for Zouvek and Kiriana?

I would! They seemed like interesting characters, to be sure.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2016 10:09 pm 
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Something of a dark matter
Chattering like flagons suffering
that's the proper buffering
to get me loaded

A toast to the wedding-


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 8:15 am 
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Zouvek
Male Winged Viashino
:w::u::r:
Home Plane: Not Widely Known
Ascension: Unfortunate Accident
Notable Magic: Conjuring and manipulating rocks, fire, and rocks that are on fire. Lavaball Trap, Scorching Missile, etc.
Appearance: Green scales. Head shaped similarly to that of a Jund viashino, significant tail. Wings give a hunched appearance when folded. Wears mostly fancy suits (particularly tuxedos), a beaver-felt top hat, and a monocle.

Zouvek comes from a culture of high society. His home plane is tamed and urbanized, with a good deal of "unfortunate history" behind it that resulted in viashino culture, among others, being quashed and the viashino people (again, among others) absorbed into the dominant mainstream. The great expansion and the wars that tamed the continent are over two hundred years ago now, and Zouvek was born as a fourth-generation member of high society, his ancestors more recent than the days of dragon-cultists shrewd merchants who entered the ranks of the new rich and stayed there. As such, he conducts himself as a proper and respectable gentleman, always sure to keep himself in finely tailored suits, with a beaver-felt top hat upon his emerald-scaled head and a monocle perched on his draconic snout to correct his slightly uneven vision. He maintains his manners even at the worst of times and generally prefers long words and flowery speech, displaying his significant intellect. Since being nearly killed in an accident while overseeing his family's steel mill, he has used his ability to venture into the planes to broaden his personal horizons: most of his aims end at home, but learning and self-improvement are goals that can be progressed in the planes. Despite his good breeding and high culture, his magic comes from the base, primal viashino tradition, conjuring and manipulating earth and fire -- it is the one relic of Viashino culture left, surviving because magic in the mainstream is a skill passed from parents to children with noble houses jealously hoarding their spellcraft, and the Viashino learned to do the same.

Zouvek appreciates high art such as opera and chamber music, and detests rudeness, lewdness, and cacophonous or ugly situations. He's not a young dragonman anymore, but his kind lead longer lives than do humans so neither is her particularly old.


Kiriana
Female Centaur
:r::g::w:
Home Plane: Not Widely Known
Ascension: Combat
Notable Magic: Arcane Arrows such as flaming and explosive arrows. Anti-artifact spellcraft. Some petty healing magic.
Appearance: Kiriana has the bulk body of a palomino horse and the upper body of a woman in her very late teens, with golden blonde hair kept in braids and green eyes. The skin on her upper body is naturally fair but bronzed by the sun to a slightly ruddy tan. She has tattoos on her left upper arm, the back of her right hand, and below her human navel, all ceremonial in nature. She wears a long strip of cloth wound around her breasts and across her shoulders for modesty and support, leather bracers, and a leather headband. In colder conditions, she'll wear a doeskin jacket over her upper torso She carries her bow and quiver of arrows with her along with a pack.

Kiriana grew up among one of many centaur tribes on her home plane, most of which held bitter rivalries or uneasy truces towards each other. Because of their heavily factional nature, the Centaurs faced an omnipresent threat of colonization and assimilation (or extermination) by what they called the 'citykind' -- Humans, Vedalken, Aven, and others who turned to a combination of magic and artifice to make wonders rather than living content with what the land provided. Kiriana herself was raised the daughter of one of her clan's war-leaders, taught to use a bow from as soon as she could hold it, becoming one of the best shots in the tribe and learning to augment her archery with magic besides. After a particularly bleak winter, one of the neighboring, rival tribes to Kiriana's took unthinkably desperate action: they sold their own ancestral grounds to the citykind in exchange for mercenaries to help them conquer the grounds of their neighbors. Both selling land and bringing outsiders into centaur warfare were unthinkable to other tribes, and Kiriana's was caught completely unprepared. The 'mercenaries' her rivals brought were golems, countless artifact soldiers swarming the hillsides and fighting without fatigue... or mercy. Kiriana's people could outrun them, but they couldn't escape, and the golem forces would catch up if they dared to rest. The tribe made its last stand hungry, thirsty, exhausted, and despairing, and was quickly overwhelmed. Under the direction of their centaur employers, the golems slaughtered the men and any women or girls who dared to resist (which was most of them). Kiriana herself was one of the last fighters to fall, for she was young and nimble, better able to exert herself after the days on the trail, spending every arrow she had and then some attempting to hold off the metal horde before being finally surrounded and dragged to earth... at which point her planeswalker spark ignited and took her from the killing fields.

Lost in the planes with no home to return to Kiriana set herself to wander. She was consumed by grief but she also was (still is) quite young, and while she lacks a cohesive purpose beyond faint dreams of avenging her clan, she's thrown herself into living with full vigor. Kiriana is generally a kind sort, but despite this and despite not really begrudging the citykind for their role in what happened, she both hates and fears artificers and artifact creatures, and has to be restrained either by circumstance or a third party from trying to kill them. It's not that she wants to hunt down artificers and their creations, but they trigger an unreasoning fight-or-flight response and she almost always ends up in 'fight'. When not faced with such a trigger she's generally cheerful and fiesty. Besides artificers and golems, Kiriana dislikes rain, swimming, and most vegetables. She likes archery, red meat, being the center of attention, and though she is ashamed to admit it due to many centaurs finding it demeaning, enjoys the feeling of carrying a person on her back.

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

The Coalition/Phyrexian War Game Rises Again


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 10:08 am 
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@Zouvek and Kiriana: Cool! I like them both. Two questions, out of curiosity. 1. Do you have any plans for them in terms of their own stories? and 2. Did they know one another before the Wedding? I got the sense that they were acquainted, but that may have only been because they were paired together in their introductions.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 9:48 pm 
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2. Did they know one another before the Wedding? I got the sense that they were acquainted, but that may have only been because they were paired together in their introductions.

Same.

On the topic of Zouvek and Kiriana, firstly, it took me a few days to realize their reference to Dr. Who. Secondly, between what's been said and because talking to a friend of mine about a particular set of poniponiponi words (in which various characters share their perspective of Twilight Sparkle's untimely assassination), I started to wonder, is it to soon to consider the ripples that this is going to have across the multiverse? Like, all those things mentioned, such as Shandrovol and possibly Illarion's sister's coming to terms with his never coming back, or Jade realizing her opportunity passed her by, or Nasperge discovering yet another of his friends passed on while he was elsewhere -- is it too soon to be considering these? Because I think that would make an interesting and emotional series of shorts.


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