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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 8:43 am 
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Sharaka
Viashino :r: post-Mending Planeswalker :planeswalker:
Complete name: Sharaka Tharnak Kozuti

[To avoid spoilers, this dossier describes her at the beginning of Another Day, Another Fight: Warming Up. The different sections in Development describe her changes after each arc.]

Appearance
Sharaka has an imposing presence, standing around 2.15m (little more than 7’) at full height (but such a pose is not comfortable, so her “natural” height is around 1.98m, or 6’6”) with a large and muscular physique, stocky snout with strong jawline and strong tail ending with a thick bone resembling an arrow's head. The back of her head presents many bone spikes similar to the ones on the Viashino Slasher. Her scales resemble iron both in color and texture, with brighter patches on the belly, armpits and other vulnerable locations; her sharp, vigilant eyes are colored in dull green.

Personality and behavior
Sharaka has a fierce and sarcastic attitude, speaking her opinion with little thought to the sensibility of others. She can be very hard on herself, but loves being praised after a success; she can be quite the showoff. She is loyal, trusting and playful with friends.
She seeks validation and will usually try to conform to her environment; because of this, her tribe’s laws heavily conditioned her views, but she doesn't feel strongly about most of them. For example, the viashino of her plane refer to other beings as “it” because of the hatred and disrespect toward other races, but Sharaka switches to the appropriate pronoun as soon as she identifies the strangers' gender.
She loves physical activities and fighting in particular, and will gladly spar with friends in her free time; Sharaka has no qualms of conscience about harming or even killing members of other races whenever she deems necessary.

Skills and Titles
Sharaka earned a number of titles in her youth, each a testament of her skills:
-Blacksmith: Sharaka can forge simple weapons, pieces of armor and tools from the iron ore to the finished item with remarkable speed; thanks to her magic, she doesn't even need a proper forge to do it. She's also knowledgeable in the metallurgy of steel.
-Ember: Sharaka is able to control red mana and wield a number of spells; read the Magic section for more information.
-Fighter: Sharaka is competent in the use of short bladed weapons, axes, hammers, javelins and most polearms. She's also lethal in unarmed combat.
-Hunter: Sharaka has been trained to track and hunt the animals of forests and mountains since she was old enough to kill them by herself.

Other traits
Sharaka has a keen sense of smell; she senses the colors of mana as different smells, though it’s probably an unconscious interpretation of her magical perception: :r: volcanic sulfur :g: resin and sap :w: obnoxious incense :u: fishy smell (pun intended) :b: rotten meat. She's able to identify the kind of magic she's smelling if already encountered before.
She also has an eerily accurate instinct when it comes to detect others' feelings and emotions, being particularly receptive of fear, anger and passion.
Sharaka doesn't enjoy riding, but she can lead tame mounts at moderate speed. She's used to giant goats, though, so those skills may not transfer completely to other mounts.

Magic
Sharaka is a powerful pyromancer able to cast Banefire, a spell that can ignore magical barriers and defeats several kinds of healing. As many other viashino pyromancers she emits flames from her mouth or nostrils. She was also trained to use mana to boost her physical capabilities, a skill she uses in brief and focused bursts.
Her magic is linked with her emotions; anger and frustration in particular significantly increase the power of her spells. During emotional moments she unconsciously emits heat, radiating warmth like a scaly campfire when she's trying to comfort someone, for example. Due to her lack of magical finesse, she also radiates heat when using magic; this process can be compared to the heat production of a combustion engine. She's unlikely to do actual damage to something in this way, but may make her immediate surroundings very uncomfortable for others after prolonged use of magic.

Combat
Viashino fighters are trained to adapt to any situation; they are blessed with a deadly bite and retractile claws that are sharp as any knife. Their tail is both a weapon in itself and an important aid to balance and movement, allowing them to take inexperienced opponents by surprise with unusual mobility and attacks. Sharaka uses swift and wide bursts of flames to intimidate/inconvenience dangerous opponents, stop their momentum, and set things on fire; when focused, her pyromancy can kill slow or weak foes through their physical and magical protections. The combination of this elements makes Sharaka a vicious fighter whose strategy relies on throwing her foes physically and psychologically off balance, using her strength and speed to exploit any possible opening. In serious fights she prefers to engage her foes briefly and repeatedly to test their abilities and weaknesses at first, then overwhelming them with her magically enhanced abilities for the killing blow when the occasion arises.
unnecessarily in-dept close combat analysis


Background
Born in Thamirelk from the viashino population inhabiting the Burnspine, she was raised in a culture that recently risked complete annihilation focusing on survival at all costs.
Sharaka’s mother Tharna was grievously injured (amputated leg and mental instability caused by brain damage) during a skirmish with human soldiers; when her tribe, the Khoz nomads, risked to be cornered by a small human contingent the leaders deemed her unworthy of the tribe's resources along with many other invalids, and culled her to allow the rest of the tribe to move faster and escape. Sharaka was deeply scarred by this event, and showed magic inclinations soon thereafter. The scholars at the Mother Forge, a sort of capital for the Burnspine viashino, trained her as a battlemage, as was common for mages born in the nomad tribes; she was slow at memorizing the laws and the ancient lore of the viashino, but had little difficulty learning magic and blacksmithing.
During Sharaka's seventeenth spring a human expedition reached the Mother Forge; they were killed on sight, but nine corpses were found against the ten scouts counted by the sentry. As confirmation of this, a few months later the warrior tribes sent news of a human army gathering near the passes that brought to the Forge. Sharaka asked to be sent on the border, and was a valuable asset for the heavily outnumbered viashino forces until she lost consciousness during a battle due to blood loss. She was captured and sent to the human capital, where she was sold and forced to be an arena fighter.

Development
after "burning home"


Non-canon stories
A New Tribe portrays a :b: Sharaka; its first part contains depictions of canon events in Sharaka's background.
Raising Heat portrays a pre-Mending ascended Sharaka; it contains hints to what happened to Sophron and Nive after Another Day, Another Fight: Corruption.

Cards
Sharaka, Ferocious Vanguard :r::r::r:
Legendary Creature - Viashino Warrior (R)
Whenever Sharaka, Ferocious Vanguard fights, attacks or blocks, each Viashino you control gains first strike until end of turn.
"We are viashino. We are steel, and steel has no fear. We are the mountain, and the mountain cannot be challenged. We will survive our enemies like fire survives moths."
3/3

Sharaka Tharnak
Planeswalker - Sharaka (M)


Put a colorless Equipment artifact named Sharaka's Armament onto the battlefield. It has "Equipped creature gets +2/+0 and has menace," and equip .
Until end of turn, Sharaka Tharnak becomes a 3/3 Viashino Warrior creature with indestructible and haste. You may attach any number of Equipments you control to her.
Sharaka Tharnak deals X damage to target player and each creature he or she controls. Destroy all artifacts with converted mana cost X or less that player controls.

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Last edited by Huey Nomure on Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:24 pm, edited 34 times in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 10:26 am 
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I think this has potential. It still needs polishing, but there's definitely something there. I like that the character is mostly focused on combat. Like, unhealthily so. Going by your description, fighting is pretty much all she knows. Sure, she can probably function normally within her tribe, but that's because she has a clearly defined role within that tribe. I can see her planeswalking and ending up in fights all the time because she's so used to using violence as a method of communication.

I don't know if you ever read the "The Witcher" novels (the game is based on them). The first novel is pretty much just short stories of Geralt ending up in fights (or other conflicts) all over the world. That's the sort of stories I think you could easily do with Sharaka.


Apologies if my interpretation is incorrect, but that's the direction I'd take it in.

I'm not gonna touch on the Ghostfire, but rather let Barinellos field that one. It might be associated a bit too much with Ugin for this to work, but I'm not the expert here and I think you can lose that magic without seriously affecting the character.

The planeswalker card is more a thing for You Make the Card, but I can see how it's useful for fleshing out the character. I think it could probably stand to lose one ability. For example, you could roll the Artifact destruction into the 3 damage ability.

For example:

Sharaka Tharnak
Planeswalker Sharaka
[+1] Put a token artifact equipment into the battlefield with equip 1 and “equipped creature gets +1/+0”.
[+0] Sharaka Tharnak becomes a 4/4 creature with haste and “ :r:: Sharaka Tharnak gains +1/+0 until the end of the turn” until the end of the turn; prevent any damage dealt to her while she’s a creature.
[-2] Sharaka deals 3 damage to up to one creature. Destroy all Equipment attached to this creature.
3

I know it narrows it down a but, but it still conveys roughly what you want to convey while making the card less wordy. And to be honest, I'm not a huge fan of the +1 ability, because it clashes so much with the +0's firebreathing in a vacuum. The cost to use the firebreathing to increase her power or using the equipment is pretty much the same apart from some timing restrictions. Maybe shift the -2 ability to be a +1 ability (while increasing the mana cost) and have the -2 (or -5 or whatever) make a really cool equipment to show of her skills as a smith.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 11:44 am 
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Yxoque wrote:
I like that the character is mostly focused on combat. Like, unhealthily so. Going by your description, fighting is pretty much all she knows. [...] I can see her planeswalking and ending up in fights all the time because she's so used to using violence as a method of communication.

Viashino interactions are usually pretty civil, but with other races her snark and sense of superiority can lead to tense situations unless the other has a lot of patience. I have other ideas for her first arc, but this is undoubtedly an important facet of her character.

What parts do you think need polishing?

Quote:
I'm not gonna touch on the Ghostfire, but rather let Barinellos field that one. It might be associated a bit too much with Ugin for this to work

I know of the association but I thought it could be plausible that a population of pyromancers might develop a similar power independently, or that those viashino interacted with Ugin in the far past.

Quote:
[-2] Sharaka deals 3 damage to up to one creature. Destroy all Equipment attached to this creature.

An interesting way to merge the two abilities, I'll think about it.

Quote:
And to be honest, I'm not a huge fan of the +1 ability, because it clashes so much with the +0's firebreathing in a vacuum. The cost to use the firebreathing to increase her power or using the equipment is pretty much the same apart from some timing restrictions. Maybe shift the -2 ability to be a +1 ability (while increasing the mana cost) and have the -2 (or -5 or whatever) make a really cool equipment to show of her skills as a smith.

I'm still not sure of her skills as a master blacksmith: I think she's the type of character that values quantity over quality in craft, so I may edit that detail of her training. On the other hand, she will craft a very challenging equipment in her future, so she should be a good blacksmith...

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 1:09 pm 
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Whoa, hey! I thought your username looked familiar and then I realized that you're the person whose been reblogging stuff from my Tumblr for the past couple months! Man, it's pretty cool to see you posting, not going to lie. I was wondering if posting all my stories would help with M:EM visibility, and I'm glad to see it did, a little bit.

Anyway, welcome to the boards. Now, about Sharaka...

I like her. But then, I like anyone with a fighting spirit. Unfortunately, it seems like I don't have as much time as I would like to respond to this, so I'll give you some bullets!

-I don't think there's a problem with the use of Ghostfire - I mean, you did describe it as like, super-heated air. I think that ends p being lightning, though... which I guess is sort of against the aesthetic. I think Ghostfire is specifically just... invisible fire. Hm. I guess that, while I don't have a problem with it, a goo question to ask is: What does this add to Sharaka that regular fire does not?

-I like her tendency to blow up artifacts. Maral would not like that, but I find it hilarious.

-Brash, Superior, Confident, and Sassy. Weird traits for a Viashino - I like it!

-Her background could use a proofread and a once or twice over, though. Not going into detail about how, exactly, her spark ignited isn't an issue - lord knows I have my fair share of characters who do that - but it seems sort of, hmmm... unfortunate not to expound upon her time in the arena. And also not to expound upon her mother? It seems like a lot of detail went in to what I assume is a minor character, only for Sharaka to have no attachment to her whatsoever.

-I guess what I'm saying is, you have a very emotional individual here with a great personality - maybe tell us about how she feels about what's happening to her as you talk about her background? I think it would go a long way to getting s invested.

Anyway, hope this helps! And welcome again!

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 1:34 pm 
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-I like her tendency to blow up artifacts. Maral would not like that, but I find it hilarious.
Maral would just state that obviously those artifacts weren't high enough quality in the first place.

Other traits
Sharaka has a keen sense of smell; she senses the colors of mana as different smells, though it’s probably an unconscious interpretation of her magical perception.
First in my notes, I'm all for beings having personalized mana experiences. It's something I generally try to do with each of my characters, so I'm all for this, but it might help to sort of lay out the general guideline of what the mana smells like for each case. Just a minor note there.

Quote:
Personality and behavior
Sharaka has a fierce and sarcastic attitude, speaking her opinion with little thought to other’s sensibilities. She can be very hard on herself, but loves being praised after a success; she can be a showoff. She is loyal, trusting and playful with friends, remaining snarky in almost any given situation.
I imagine she'd get along well with any of a number of our characters with an attitude like that.

Quote:
Magic
Sharaka is a powerful pyromancer specialized in the use of Ghostfire, jets of impossibly hot air that can pass through some magical barriers unhindered; as many other viashino pyromancers she usually emits flames from her mouth or nostrils. She was also trained to use mana to boost her physical capabilities, a skill she prefers to use in brief and focused bursts, and conjure red mana to Detonate weapons, armors or other objects.
I don't really have any objections to ghost fire, but it does come with some at least mildly necessary complications. Is this something her tribe managed, or is this something she picked up in her travels? Because there are enough data points that if she learned it in her travels, you can tie it into a few different sources without trouble, but if her tribe separately came up with it, that's a little more of a hump to work over. It isn't problematic, but it does cause an initial disconnect between the rather high profile spell and its origin. If the tribe gained some knowledge of it from Ugin, directly or indirectly (which I would HIGHLY suggest going indirectly) there are some ways to tie things into that as well.

I'm still not against it, considering I think of my character Saigo having the ability to use Manifest after having sort of reverse engineered it from morph, but it was something he specifically picked up, not something that was his own.

Quote:
Author’s Notes
-Basing the viashino on different types of lizards opens a wide range of opportunities to explore the influences of different modes of reproduction (a race made exclusively of females, or sexes changing according to climate) on gender culture; I don’t think I’m the fittest writer for such themes, though, so for the moment I’ll not delve into this topic, but others are welcome to try. I think Sharaka is quite confident of her pansexuality, and probably is aromantic or demiromantic.
I've sort of managed some of those themes in the past and know how hard they are to work with, so I'll be interested in seeing what you do with them.
Quote:
-Viashino can have difficulties sitting on the ground depending on the positioning and the stiffness of their tails. The default sitting position for most viashino should be similar to this; I imagine they tend to use some chairs front-back and prefer stools.
For the records, this is stretching a long time back, but there have been some explorations into this. Viashino don't generally have chairs, but rather they have bars they lean against, usually at about waist or chest high. I cite aspects of Urza's saga and The Prodigal Sorcerer for that.

Going back to the earlier gender note, the Prodigal Sorcerer dealt a little with that too.

Quote:
I'm still not sure of her skills as a master blacksmith: I think she's the type of character that values quantity over quality in craft, so I may edit that detail of her training. On the other hand, she will craft a very challenging equipment in her future, so she should be a good blacksmith...
It would be interesting to see her and Maral run across one another because while Maral has the quantity aspect down, she specializes in quality, and is very much of a different breed of smith in that regard. Regardless, I think it would be an interesting interaction, if nothing else, for the simple fact that Maral would probably take her snark and serve it back to her with a side of "excuse you very much".

Not to mention it might be funny how she treats something of another race that is approximately twice her size.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 3:36 pm 
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Whoa, hey! I thought your username looked familiar and then I realized that you're the person whose been reblogging stuff from my Tumblr for the past couple months!

Yep, that's me, lurker extraordinaire. Actually, the first M:EM character of whom I read every story in the archive is Fisco Vane; I'm a sucker for redemption arcs.

Quote:
I guess that, while I don't have a problem with it, a goo question to ask is: What does this add to Sharaka that regular fire does not?

Almost nothing, I admit it; Ghostfire and Detonate are simply two cards I find cool. They come up to my mind when I thought about defining her magical abilities, so I went with "Why not?". My future characters will confirm I love giving my puppets slightly unique powers; sadly, Sharaka's are the least connected to her themes. In the context of her background ghostfire is a way to deal with the pesky white battlemages and their protection abilities.

Quote:
-Her background could use a proofread and a once or twice over, though. Not going into detail about how, exactly, her spark ignited isn't an issue - lord knows I have my fair share of characters who do that - but it seems sort of, hmmm... unfortunate not to expound upon her time in the arena. And also not to expound upon her mother? It seems like a lot of detail went in to what I assume is a minor character, only for Sharaka to have no attachment to her whatsoever.

Oh, the last line of Background is simply unclear: 'Another day, another fight' is the title of her introduction piece that will narrate her story until her spark ignites.

Barinellos wrote:
-I like her tendency to blow up artifacts. Maral would not like that, but I find it hilarious.
Maral would just state that obviously those artifacts weren't high enough quality in the first place.

Ok, now I have to know who is Maral. *dives into the archives*

Barinellos wrote:
I'm all for this, but it might help to sort of lay out the general guideline of what the mana smells like for each case. Just a minor note there.

Yep, and I could use a hand with that, especially because in her first story she'll deal with blue mana and she never smelled the sea, the most immediate correlation.

About Ghostfire: while rare, at least two or three shamans per generation manage to master it; Sharaka doesn't remember the details of the lore, so as she'd say it "A stupidly high number of ages ago we were blessed by the appearance of a dragon spirit, who gifted us with a pretty useful power to blast humans. We are very grateful to the spirit. So grateful we don't remember her name." (I'm inclined to think those viashino are all females, so the standard gender to address powerful beings is 'she'. It also muds the waters even more)

Quote:
Not to mention it might be funny how she treats something of another race that is approximately twice her size.

THAT would be something interesting to figure out. Knowing that the other is a master arteficer could smooth the process a bit.

I'll add a few things to the dossier.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 5:30 pm 
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I've had the chance to look this over. First of all, thanks for posting! Always nice to see new people around and posting stuff. Hopefully you will also be willing to comment on some of the other stuff around here (we always like that!)

Overall, I like Sharaka. She reminds me somewhat of Morgezka Shanak, what with the reptile warrior motif, and I certainly have an appreciation for Viashinos. There are some interesting things going on here, so I'll go through this piece by piece.

:passion: [This dossier will be edited in the future since she will undergo a major change during her story; can someone explain to me how to use the symbol of planeswalker's loyalty?]

[ pw ] +1 [ /pw ] =
[ pw ] 3 [ /pw ] =
[ pw ] -8 [ /pw ] =

Just remove the spaces, and there you go.

Appearance
Sharaka has an imposing presence, standing around 2.15m (little more than 7’) at full height (but such a pose is not comfortable, so her “natural” height is around 1.98m, or 6’6”) with a large and muscular physique, stocky snout with strong jawline and thick tail. Her scales resemble iron both in color and texture, with brighter patches on the belly, armpits and other vulnerable locations; her sharp, vigilant eyes are colored in dull green.

All good stuff here, I think. Just out of curiosity, does she have any spines or plates like we see in some Viashino, or is she sort of smooth down the back?

Other traits
Sharaka has a keen sense of smell; she senses the colors of mana as different smells, though it’s probably an unconscious interpretation of her magical perception.
She is also sensitive to the variations of red mana in her surroundings: places with abundance of red mana make her spirited but less likely to pick a fight, while lack of red mana make her frustrated, quieter but touchy.

I'm really liking the smelling mana thing. I think that's a good way to help distinguish here magic usage from others.

Personality and behavior
Sharaka has a fierce and sarcastic attitude, speaking her opinion with little thought to other’s sensibilities. She can be very hard on herself, but loves being praised after a success; she can be a showoff. She is loyal, trusting and playful with friends, remaining snarky in almost any given situation.
She loves fighting to the point it gets to her head; if she starts enjoying a fight her rational mind tends to be eclipsed.

How badly do things tend to get out of hand when she fights? I mean, is it to the point where she might kill a sparring partner? What is the degree we are looking at?


Her tribe’s laws heavily conditioned her views: individuals with disabilities are subjected to an ordeal to determine their utility to the tribe against their weight on the tribe’s resources, and failure is punished with death. Also, because of the hatred and disrespect toward other races they refer to other beings as “it” until they identify their gender.

Two things here:

1. What do you mean by "disabilities" in this sense? What would could as a disability to her society? And what sort of ordeal are we talking about. Is it a ritual of some sort, or is it just something they come up with on a case-by-case basis. I assume this is a sort of Spartan-like test of strength/skill/endurance, which I suspect works for a Viashino society, I'm just curious what form this takes.

2. I'm not sure I get the point of referring to other races as "it" until they know the gender. If it's based on hatred and disrespect, why would they switch to a gendered view even after knowing it?


Magic
Sharaka is a powerful pyromancer specialized in the use of Ghostfire, jets of impossibly hot air that can pass through some magical barriers unhindered; this magic is told to have been given to the viashino by an ancient dragon spirit, whose name is unknown. As many other viashino pyromancers she usually emits flames from her mouth or nostrils. She was also trained to use mana to boost her physical capabilities, a skill she prefers to use in brief and focused bursts, and conjure red mana to Detonate weapons, armors or other objects.

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of Ghostfire here. It has a certain degree of baggage to it, as others have mentioned, and regardless, what you seem to be talking about seems more like steam anyway. We have a disproportionate number of pyromancers in the M:EM already (which is no fault of yours or your characters, but it is a fact) and I think a steam mage might be an interesting way to play with the convention a bit.

The warrior tribes were the ones closer to human realms, with whom viashino were often in conflict; this caused those viashino to develop a very strict code of conduct fit to constant guerrilla.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by this. What sort of conduct to you mean that reflects guerrilla warfare?


Yep, that's me, lurker extraordinaire. Actually, the first M:EM character of whom I read every story in the archive is Fisco Vane; I'm a sucker for redemption arcs.

I could be wrong, but I think Fisco was the first M:EM character I read about, too!


Quote:
I guess that, while I don't have a problem with it, a goo question to ask is: What does this add to Sharaka that regular fire does not?

Almost nothing, I admit it; Ghostfire and Detonate are simply two cards I find cool. They come up to my mind when I thought about defining her magical abilities, so I went with "Why not?". My future characters will confirm I love giving my puppets slightly unique powers; sadly, Sharaka's are the least connected to her themes. In the context of her background ghostfire is a way to deal with the pesky white battlemages and their protection abilities.

Well, we've all done that. My advice, though, is to usually force yourself to ask "Why?" rather than "Why not?" I think it forces people to examine what is actually integral to the character. To quote a translation of Antoine de Saint Exupéry (which I think Orcish pointed out to me once): "It seems that perfection is attained not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing more to remove."


Barinellos wrote:
I'm all for this, but it might help to sort of lay out the general guideline of what the mana smells like for each case. Just a minor note there.

Yep, and I could use a hand with that, especially because in her first story she'll deal with blue mana and she never smelled the sea, the most immediate correlation.

Personally, I would consider salt, though that may be a bit on the nose. Rain might work for blue, as well. You could also consider having her smell mana as types of food she might have eaten, like scavenged carrion for black, plantlife for green, birds for white, whatever works. Just a thought, of course.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 6:30 pm 
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Almost nothing, I admit it; Ghostfire and Detonate are simply two cards I find cool. They come up to my mind when I thought about defining her magical abilities, so I went with "Why not?". My future characters will confirm I love giving my puppets slightly unique powers; sadly, Sharaka's are the least connected to her themes. In the context of her background ghostfire is a way to deal with the pesky white battlemages and their protection abilities.

About Ghostfire: while rare, at least two or three shamans per generation manage to master it; Sharaka doesn't remember the details of the lore, so as she'd say it "A stupidly high number of ages ago we were blessed by the appearance of a dragon spirit, who gifted us with a pretty useful power to blast humans. We are very grateful to the spirit. So grateful we don't remember her name."

About this, there are honestly issues with actually having Ugin involved in any capacity with directly guiding the tribe. It describes a path that anchors a character we don't control to something we've done.

The easiest alternatives are either to use a copy of the Dragon Scroll Chandra stole as some sort of sacred text they acquired (which we know has made a bit of a tour of the multiverse, to say nothing of how often it might have been copied) or to stretch farther back to the original spell that inspired it in the first place. That one does come with additional complications with the black mana, but it's otherwise free of problems.

Since this is primarily mechanically motivated, I feel like disentangling Ugin from direct involvement is wise.

Quote:
Ok, now I have to know who is Maral. *dives into the archives*

there is likely a bit more around than is in the archive. I have a story featuring her simmering while someone else works on it a bit.

Quote:
Yep, and I could use a hand with that, especially because in her first story she'll deal with blue mana and she never smelled the sea, the most immediate correlation.
I'd probably go with a storm or the like. Red seems like it might be burnt metal, white something like pollen, green like animal musk or something equally pungent, and black like carrion or dry blood.

Quote:
(I'm inclined to think those viashino are all females, so the standard gender to address powerful beings is 'she'. It also muds the waters even more)
I've worked on a mono-gendered culture before (flamekin if you're wondering), and like I said, it's super tricky. The reason I bring this up is the fact that having any gendered pronoun becomes, by its nature, conflicting. As the culture rises, it wouldn't really have a concept of differences based on gender, so would never develop the idea of "female" to attach a specialized pronoun to. Any conceit of gender would be a borrowed one from something like the humans, so from an outside perspective, they'd be all female, but internally, they wouldn't really even need the premise behind gender since everyone is the same thing.

Aside from that, I'm interested in seeing a mono gendered reptilian race since, as egg layers, they don't actually need males to produce offspring in the first place. (parthenogenesis occurs in some species, I think. It may be amphibians though.)

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THAT would be something interesting to figure out. Knowing that the other is a master arteficer could smooth the process a bit.
It would indeed.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 7:45 pm 
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Just out of curiosity, does she have any spines or plates like we see in some Viashino, or is she sort of smooth down the back?

I'm sure they have little spikes on their neck and tail; probably the back of Sharaka's head is something like the Viashino Slasher, but I'm still not completely sure.

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How badly do things tend to get out of hand when she fights? I mean, is it to the point where she might kill a sparring partner? What is the degree we are looking at?

She is still able to follow absolute terms she accepted (as "stop at first blood" or "not claws, teeth or tail's point"), but less strict terms might slip: if a sparring partner gives her an actual challenge after asking her something like "go easy on me" she might go as far as breaking a bone or two before stopping. The potential damage inflicted due to the loss of control depends on her emotional state (when frustrated is higher, for example) and her feelings toward the opponent (she'd never injure her mother during a sparring).
I might tweak something later.

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1. What do you mean by "disabilities" in this sense? What would could as a disability to her society? And what sort of ordeal are we talking about. Is it a ritual of some sort, or is it just something they come up with on a case-by-case basis.

For an ordeal to take place these conditions must apply:
-The viashino has significant difficulties to fulfill a role (as a warrior losing an arm) or her results are considered to be poor compared to the resources she requires;
-Leaving her to a sedentary tribe to be healed is not an option;
-The tribe's resources are dangerously low or needs to move as quickly as possible. (as when close to enemy forces and expecting a battle)

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2. I'm not sure I get the point of referring to other races as "it" until they know the gender. If it's based on hatred and disrespect, why would they switch to a gendered view even after knowing it?

You're actually right. I didn't noticed it, but Sharaka doesn't wholly believe in any of her tribe's values; she behaves accordingly to them because of her love of adrenaline and desire to be accepted. As I already knew, she has to believe disabled people deserve to be culled because after her mother's death the alternative is unthinkable. Magic makes her more powerful in combat and allows her to interact with red mana, which makes her feel good. She uses 'it' for strangers because feeling superior is gratifying, but tries to identify them due to curiosity. Blacksmithing, on the other hand, doesn't appeal to her needs, in the same way she remember only the pieces of lore she likes. I guess she remembers how to do it, but it's not her favorite occupation.

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Personally, I'm not a huge fan of Ghostfire here. It has a certain degree of baggage to it, as others have mentioned, and regardless, what you seem to be talking about seems more like steam anyway.

More like plasma, actually; steam also hints at the presence of water.
My idea of ghostfire appears below. (yep, I'm writing this bottom-up)

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What sort of conduct to you mean that reflects guerrilla warfare?

The rule about culling, for example. The warrior tribes train their young so they can be assets for the fight. They are heavily outnumbered, so they must be able to move their camps with very short notice. Every behavior that leads to a possible weakness is forbidden. Every useless thing, left behind. Not a very relaxed way of living.
The other tribes protect volcanic forges, forging weapons and tools for the warriors, training shamans and caring after ill and wounded warriors.

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My advice, though, is to usually force yourself to ask "Why?" rather than "Why not?" I think it forces people to examine what is actually integral to the character. To quote a translation of Antoine de Saint Exupéry (which I think Orcish pointed out to me once): "It seems that perfection is attained not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing more to remove."

I actually remember reading that exact quote in this forum. This makes me question the Detonate part more, though; as much as others liked it, it doesn't fit the theme. The image of her burning an armored knight along with all his equipment is way more fitting. She has no qualms destroying precious artifacts if necessary or even just useful, but giving her that ability is pointless, as she isn't an iconoclast at all.
Ghostfire, on the other hand, makes me think of a flame that transcended its form to become a pure wave of destruction, something akin to burning something with the very idea of fire, and because of this it requires a deep focus and great talent. Her ability to use it is also an indicator of her current self-control. If this concept doesn't match the actual lore or feels too loaded I'm willing to test alternatives.

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Personally, I would consider salt, though that may be a bit on the nose. Rain might work for blue, as well. You could also consider having her smell mana as types of food she might have eaten, like scavenged carrion for black, plantlife for green, birds for white, whatever works. Just a thought, of course.

I thought blue mana smelling fishy is a dumb pun she'd love to use in her head. Black mana could smell as rotten meat, Green as resin, red as smoke and white as... an obnoxious incense? Owls are related to blue, so I don't really like relating white mana to all birds.

@Barinellos: I understand all of your points and will think about them in a while; right now it's almost 1 hour I'm working at this post.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 7:51 pm 
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That's cool, no need to worry too much about responding. Everything I bring up is just trying to help, so as long as it makes you think, it's all good.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 8:55 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
The easiest alternatives are either to use a copy of the Dragon Scroll Chandra stole as some sort of sacred text they acquired (which we know has made a bit of a tour of the multiverse, to say nothing of how often it might have been copied) or to stretch farther back to the original spell that inspired it in the first place. That one does come with additional complications with the black mana, but it's otherwise free of problems.

Since this is primarily mechanically motivated, I feel like disentangling Ugin from direct involvement is wise.

Oh. Given my idea behind the choice of that spell I guess Banefire would be more viable? The flavor involves Sharkan Vol, but it seems to indicate the spell is inspired to dragonfire, and dragon are involved in the early stages of that viashino population.

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there is likely a bit more around than is in the archive. I have a story featuring her simmering while someone else works on it a bit.

Oh. *waits eagerly*

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The reason I bring this up is the fact that having any gendered pronoun becomes, by its nature, conflicting. As the culture rises, it wouldn't really have a concept of differences based on gender, so would never develop the idea of "female" to attach a specialized pronoun to. Any conceit of gender would be a borrowed one from something like the humans, so from an outside perspective, they'd be all female, but internally, they wouldn't really even need the premise behind gender since everyone is the same thing.

Aaaaaand you're gloriously right. Maybe I'll stick with the changing sex option.
(some reptiles are born through parthenogenesis too)

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THAT would be something interesting to figure out. Knowing that the other is a master arteficer could smooth the process a bit.
It would indeed.

Then again, now that her blacksmithing has become a secondary ability for her, this confrontation sounds less exciting to me... I might want to find a reason to make her interested in it, but it seems forced right now. Though I imagine it could be simply be a passion she discovered... I dunno, I'll think about it after a good night of sleep.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 11:55 pm 
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My thoughts as a You Make The Card regular: The card's equipment token-making and firebreathing overlap a lot. You might want to use the firebreathing so you can keep another creature equipped, or you may want to get a power boost you don't have enough equipment for, so the abilities play differently. Still, they fight each other for your spare mana. In light of that, you should ditch one to simplify the card.
If you ditch firebreathing, it may be worth making it so the equipment won't fall of Sharaka when she reverts to a planeswalker.

My thoughts as a casual fan of the flavour:
Between the superheated air jets and smithing, I have to wonder if Sharaka actually uses fire. It would be really cool to have a red mage who heats materials instead of throwing fire balls. Naturally, fire would still be easy to make (just heat wood) but I'd love to se not be a focus. I think that would tie together well with penchant for fighting and the mana-as-smell thing; the character has a very strong sense of physicality.
THe quantity vs quality of artifacts will play interestingly with her planeswalker nature. Now that she's not making weapons for a large tribe, she will have to reassess how she goes about smithing. It could serve as a tool for character development.
If you want to keep the blacksmithing but aren't sure how to incorporate it, how about this- that's how she provides for herself. I imagine it's hard to jobs as a fighter on short notice in a strange world. On the other hand, everyone wants somebody to mend their metal wares.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 3:34 am 
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@Banefire:
I think this is a good alternative. I wouldn't worry too much about the appearance of that spell because after seeing Sarkhan's Rage, I think that is less about the spells used and more a personal affectation of his own.

@Alternating sex:
Stretching back to the earliest origins of the Viashino in the prodigal sorcerer, a fledgling Viashino would actually be sexless until puberty when they would choose if they wanted to be male or female. It might be cool to tie it back into that.

@Maral:
It's cool if you don't think there is a natural tie there, and there's no need to force it. Though I do have one artifact in the pocket that might pique Sharaka's interest given the general shift in focus she's undergoing. Look up "the inferno amulet"if you're interested.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 3:44 am 
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How about crafting +0/+2 armor? "This should make you weaklings a little harder to kill." It keeps the quantity over quality flavor (still, viashino forging tend to result in better steel regardless), nods to her care for her allies and doesn't conflict with her firebreathing. Maybe a red planeswalker giving other allies protection is a bit weird?

@Barinellos:
-Too bad banefire is visually indistinguishable from normal flames :/ (yep, is not necessary, I guess it's just my inner Mary Sue squirming)
-Ok, might as well roll with it.
-I read about the Inferno amulet and yeah, she'd be interested, but... are there precedents of something like living steel? I mean, a metal that moves and changes form as the 'wielder' wishes. Or metallomancy quick enough to be used in battle?

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 4:40 am 
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Dependent on what you mean, there are several options.
sculpting steel, quicksilver dagger, and dependent on how literal you want the living part to be, clone shell.

That's all just off the top of my head though. If pressed, I might be able to find more examples.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 5:28 am 
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I'm thinking about a suit or armor that with the infusion of mana can function as an exoskeleton and/or change form to become Fists of the Anvil or, after a lot of pratice, Bladed Pinions. It's quite a significant power shift, but it would be her idea of an ultimate equipment (so she would get it in the distant future) and would also allow her to overcome a little fighting problem she'll gain when her spark ignites...

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 28, 2015 5:21 pm 
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Is it wierd that the first thing that came to my head reading this was Korra?

Lovely character as a whole. Non-human perceptions of mana is also always welcome.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 1:49 am 
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Thanky you for reading and commenting!

Well, they are both headstrong (and sassy) women that got a few problems understanding the nuances of the 'civilized' society, usually preferring to make their way using their remarkable force and pyromancy; there are definitely a few similarities.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 5:59 am 
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(sorry for the double post)

I added and edited a few things in the dossier, including a card depicting her in during her time defending the Mother Forge. I'd like to put her dossier up to vote, but I don't know if I'll be allowed to edit it afterwards, adding the major events of her tales and their effects on Sharaka.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 10:48 am 
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(sorry for the double post)

I added and edited a few things in the dossier, including a card depicting her in during her time defending the Mother Forge. I'd like to put her dossier up to vote, but I don't know if I'll be allowed to edit it afterwards, adding the major events of her tales and their effects on Sharaka.

There's been some debate around these parts about what exactly belongs in a dossier, particularly as it relates to spoilers of a character's major plotlines. But ultimately, yes, you would be allowed to change the dossier, especially in the sense of adding to it. We would just ask that you let us know what changes are being made in a pretty visible way, because the Archivist keeps back-ups of everything in the Archive in case of some sort of catastrophic failure where we might lose everything, so we would want to make sure that the archived version is the most up-to-date version, as well.


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