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 Post subject: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:57 am 
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This is a project I started a few months back. Since I had not yet penned a story as a debut for our stalwart archaeomancer, and feeling a general sense of dissatisfaction for some of the way I'd fashioned her in the first place, I'd decided to dedicate a story to her and see if I couldn't work out a little more. Admittedly, in the offset of this endeavor, I realized one major problem in working with the character: If all the stories are about dead worlds, then it's going to be a looooonely book for Ilyta.

So, I realized that I'd have to likely invest in some time to develop her outside of her main pursuits. I fully intend to do that, but as an introduction piece, it was vital I create at least one work that actually shows off what she does. That alone came with a few problems, but I resolved to try a little experiment and a literally empty world seemed an ideal canvas to do this with.

I'd go to gatherer and hit random. Whatever cards I conjured up, within reason, I'd include into the story somehow. What's more, in some cases, I'd do my best to incorporate them further in other ways. Now, a few of the cards I got ended up not panning out for one reason or another, and yet others I had to substitute to facilitate part of my project, but overall, I feel like I've put together a decent amalgam of these.

That being said, the story largely hinged on two-three cards that came up, and it was those that formed the backbone of the world Ilyta is delving into, though the very nature of what Ilyta does had a substantial influence on what drove the plot as well. Nevertheless, I present to you the results:

A Dying Gasp

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 6:58 pm 
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I had come across Ilyta's name before, but hadn't really paid attention. That's what comes of a story-first focus, I suppose.

Grumble

Story notes

One last thought


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 Post subject: Re: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 1:18 am 
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Big thanks for reading!
Brentain wrote:
I had come across Ilyta's name before, but hadn't really paid attention. That's what comes of a story-first focus, I suppose.

Grumble

Yeah, we had a rash of them pop up for a while. It's one of the things I kinda wish I could do over, but... I never could find a decent replacement.
Quote:
Story notes

story notes


Quote:
One last thought
second thoughts

_________________
At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:44 pm 
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Spoiler


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 Post subject: Re: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2017 3:54 am 
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Yeah, this one had been brewing a while, but I got enough of a push to polish it off. It was the third part, section one, that dragged me down.

As to Ilyta's family, she has a father too, though... well, her family life is complicated. I'd LOVE to dig into that, but I have no clue how to possibly put it into a story because it's so convoluted. It's fascinating exposition, but trying to plop it into a plot would be nerve wracking.
.... and the story would end up like... 15k words long.

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Spoiler

I was hoping this one would be the kind whose tonal aspect would radically shift upon a reread. So I'm glad the reveal was well received.

With the dead worlds mana, it really is just as simple as that Ilyta is the only one that bothered to bond with these worlds. There's no competition. Buuuut... given the way mana is described as being influenced by outside significance, one could argue that the dead world mana functions as if it was mana of any color?

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Two minor usage issues that nobody but an English instructor like me is likely to care about. First, you say at one point "Ilyta laid panting," which is incorrect. "Laid" is the past tense of "lay," which means to set something down. Sadly, because English is stupid sometimes, this should be "Ilyta lay panting," because "lay" is the past tense of "lie," as in to recline.

A couple of paragraphs later, you say "She sat her satchel off to the side," when it should be "She set her satchel..." There may be other typos, but those were the two I caught.

Fair enough. I'll make sure that's corrected at voting time.
it, but I'm not a fan.
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Thanks for posting, Barinellos!

Thanks for reading!

_________________
At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Tue Dec 12, 2017 9:02 am 
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Johann the Bard (The Adventure Zone) wrote:

To anybody reading this, including my future selves: have a good life!

My M:EM creative archive


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 Post subject: Re: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:35 am 
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This a really great one, Barin -- thanks for sharing! I remember hearing the first little bits about Ilyta years (?) ago, and it's cool to see her come back around again, and this time with such a cool story in tow.

I love the whole piece, but there's something in particular about the underlying question -- who will remember the forgotten? -- which just tugs at me in a very powerful, very poignant way. It feels personal, too, at the moment, just because of things which are happening in my life, but I think it's universally personal, in a way, if that makes any sense? I think we're all seized, from time to time, by the need to be witnessed, and I think that, in those maudlin hours which sometimes creep into the night, we've all asked that question of ourselves, in the mirror: "If I was gone tomorrow, what record would be left of my passing?" Those are deep, primal questions, and I love the way that Ilyta sort of bubbles them to the surface.

This line, in particular, sticks with me:

Barinellos wrote:
The only visions she’d seen were hazy, confused images of lives that were too shallow to leave much an imprint.

It's a beautiful -- but haunting -- image, and it cuts straight to the heart of that fear.

I think that's what draws me to Ilyta in this piece. She has an explorer's curiosity, and a historian's compulsion to know, and to record. But there's a deeper side to it too, I sense. That more universally-personal side. There's a desire to remember, based on the conviction that everyone deserves remembrance -- not because of what such remembrance can offer to the living, even, but because of the dignity it offers to the dead. There's a kind of fundamental kindness and respect there that does my heart good -- even if I weren't already predisposed to practitioners of small magics. :)

I love the imagery of the sand, too, and the recurring motif of the songs. And I love the way that the different prompts all knit together into a whole which feels larger than the sum of its parts. Random card prompts are some of my very favorite things in the world, so it's cool to see them used to such good effect, here. :)

Thanks again for sharing, Barin -- I really enjoyed this one!

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"And remember, I'm pullin' for ya, 'cause we're all in this together." - Red Green


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 Post subject: Re: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2017 4:37 am 
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@Huey
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@Orcish
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_________________
At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:43 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
Quote:
Elphimas would also love to exchange stories with her (they'd be thrilled at the prospect of having a copy of her journals) and I think they'd be of help with the ancient languages part, as they're quite the expert linguist/philologist.

Well, Ilyta does have a teaching position at her University.
Y'know, when she's there...
Her Journals, btw, are for sale. They're published on Qera.

Does she publish them as explorations of Qeran lost continents? It doesn't seem a wise long-term behavior, given the sheer vastness of the places she visits and the possible contradictions with Qera's characteristics...

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Johann the Bard (The Adventure Zone) wrote:

To anybody reading this, including my future selves: have a good life!

My M:EM creative archive


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 Post subject: Re: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2017 3:02 am 
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Barinellos wrote:
Quote:
Elphimas would also love to exchange stories with her (they'd be thrilled at the prospect of having a copy of her journals) and I think they'd be of help with the ancient languages part, as they're quite the expert linguist/philologist.

Well, Ilyta does have a teaching position at her University.
Y'know, when she's there...
Her Journals, btw, are for sale. They're published on Qera.

Does she publish them as explorations of Qeran lost continents? It doesn't seem a wise long-term behavior, given the sheer vastness of the places she visits and the possible contradictions with Qera's characteristics...

The inhabitants are aware that there are other worlds.
That's an entire different history behind that, but I'll just say a fair number of the occupants aren't originally from there. Nor, for that matter, was it originally named Qera.

(I actually have a dossier in the works, as written by Ilyta)

_________________
At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [Story] A Dying Gasp
PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:25 am 
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Barinellos wrote:
(I actually have a dossier in the works, as written by Ilyta)

Noice.

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Johann the Bard (The Adventure Zone) wrote:

To anybody reading this, including my future selves: have a good life!

My M:EM creative archive


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